Ever hear something you’ve heard before but experience it in a whole new way? This happened to me when I came across an idea in Steve Chandler’s book Right Now. Steve says, “…most people…plan their future based on the past….what if I chose not to do that?”

“It’s fine.” “I’m fine.” “We’re fine.” How often do you say this? Things aren’t terrible and they aren’t great. They’re fine. Our default is to accept this as “life”—just the way things are. But nothing is fine. Fine is a label we give to things that are manageable yet lacking the life force we desire.

This year spring is arriving at an especially disruptive time. Many of us are feeling confronted by change, fearful of unknowns, and helpless amidst great suffering. The energy of spring offers an antidote, a blueprint for how to create from—rather than react to—this moment.

I’m developing my capacity to honor and appreciate all my feelings. But I can’t help it: I have a favorite. My favorite way to feel is “balm”—buzzy yet calm. Buzzy without calm borders on jittery and nervous. Calm without buzzy can be uninspired and boring. Balm is the sweet spot.

Which comes first? Do your feelings determine your actions, or do your actions determine how you feel? This chicken-or-egg question comes up a lot in coaching conversations. I don’t have definitive answers but I have some observations on the relationship between feelings and actions.

On most decisions, big and small, you’re probably spending more time and energy than you need to. We all do it. We get convinced that if we turn it over enough times in our brains, look at it from enough angles, the correct answer will present. The only problem with this is it doesn’t work.

I recently baked bread for the first time. After nurturing my sourdough starter and watching YouTube videos for almost a month, I felt ready to DO this. Then, as I found myself consumed by the process, I realized this felt different from doing something. I was making something.

If you knew with certainty that you had plenty of time for everything you want to do, what would you create? Most people go blank when I ask them this question. Or they tell me it’s impossible to answer because their responsibilities—never mind desires!—exceed the hours in a day.

Does this line of thinking resonate with you? You know things—things that, if addressed, could help you move closer to the life you want—and yet often you do nothing about them. For most humans, there’s a gap between knowing you want to shift something and actually doing it.

I just started a new training program on Positive Intelligence (PQ). The program is about how to strengthen the part of your brain that serves you and quiet the part that sabotages you. Here is the most useful thing I’ve learned so far for halting my thought loops. It’s weirdly simple.

I live in Los Angeles. My family and our home are safe. Many—way too many—were not so lucky. The devastation and loss being experienced in our city right now is overwhelming. This wasn’t the plan. For many of us, 2025 has started out much differently than expected.

I counted. In the days leading up to 2025, I read four separate articles containing a quote from Rainer Maria Rilke: “And now we welcome the new year, full of things that have never been.” I couldn’t resist following suit. Rilke’s quote cuts to the core of reinvention.

E. arrived at coaching wanting to make a decision: Stay in their current location and expand their business, or choose a new place to move and start over? They wanted help developing trust in themselves so they could make the decision (and future ones) with confidence. 

It can be disorienting and initially disappointing to discover that your coach doesn’t tell you what to do. In school, at work, and in medical settings, we’ve been conditioned to look to outside experts for answers. Experts are great. And coaches are experts too—just not in giving answers.

Are you stuck on something? A decision about your job? Your business? A relationship? Where you live? Where to travel? What to wear? Who to invite? What to say? What to order? One of the fastest ways to get unstuck—on any topic, in any area of your life—is to ask a different question.

A routine gratitude practice has been shown to boost energy, decrease stress, improve relationships, and build resilience. If you have a gratitude practice that serves you, keep doing it! For me, despite abundant evidence supporting gratitude as a beneficial practice, I haven’t had luck with it.

There can be this idea that in order to show up differently in your life, you need to blank slate everything—quit your 9-5 job, start a business you LOVE, collect passive income while barely lifting a finger, and live happily ever after. This is a misunderstanding.

My conversations with D. started when he was weighing whether to continue along a traditional corporate path or explore an entrepreneurial venture that aligns with his passions. After a few conversations, the universe intervened: D. received unexpected news that he was being laid off. We got to work.

Reinvention is not linear. The stages of your process may repeat, overlap, go faster or slower than expected, and/or resurface just when you thought you were done. Although each reinvention is unique in its timeline and direction, I’ve identified three distinct stages.

This is not a pep talk about loving the holidays. You don’t have to love the holidays. You don’t have to hate the holidays. You don’t have to do anything. This is an invitation—to spend the holiday months paying more attention to how you’re being than what you’re doing.